Do Not Out Trans Kids

Trigger Warning: Transphobia, Domestic Abuse

The Government has recently announced guidance to schools that would have them inform parents of a child exploring their gender identity. This would be triggered by things such as a student wanting to make changes to their name or uniform. These changes, while seeming simple, are incredibly affirming for trans and nonbinary people. Parents would be informed regardless of whether the student wants them to or whether the child is safe in doing so.

This is being presented by the Tories as an issue about safeguarding and parental consent. This misses the point entirely. A parent cannot 'consent' to their child being trans or nonbinary, they just are! The safeguarding question is not about whether parents know if their child is trans or not, it is whether the child is safe at home if they come out. Many trans and nonbinary children have school as a safe space for them to express themselves and feel validated, with many coming out to teachers and friends first to  try out these changes and build a support network should their parents respond poorly to their identity.  Outing trans and nonbinary kids to their parents is a terrible policy as it can negatively affect them no matter how their parents react:

For trans and nonbinary kids who think their parents will be supportive, even if the parents don't understand it at first, this policy is deeply flawed. It robs the child of any autonomy they have over their coming out process. Coming out in any regard is difficult and scary, even when you have supportive parents as you can never be entirely sure how they will react. When I came out to my parents, I struggled to find the right words that express who I was and what I wanted from them, and I had time to come out when I wanted. This guidance does not take any care with using the correct terms that a child uses to define their gender identity, nor does it allow for the child to be the ones to tell their parents and deal with any hesitation or confusion that may arise at first.

The impact can get worse as parents reactions get worse. Outing a child to parents who respond negatively by deliberately misgendering or deadnaming their child, will subject the child to emotional abuse at home. These children need to be able to control how and when they come out so they can either wait until they are no longer living with unsupportive family, or can be in a position where they have the necessary support networks and are prepared to be out to their parents. This policy would not allow for trans and nonbinary kids to come out safely in either of those situations and would subject trans and nonbinary children to abuse that could have been avoided.

Then there are children who face a serious threat if they are outed to their parents. Some children face serious violence at home if outed, or may be kicked out of their home entirely. The charity Galop found that 43% of surveyed trans and nonbinary people have experienced higher levels of abuse from a family member or family members. This policy that gives children no control over when they come out would mean that they would be less able to make back up plans to stay at friends or other relatives if their parents were potentially abusive.

Regardless of whether you support trans rights this is an appalling piece of guidance. It puts all trans and nonbinary children at risk of domestic abuse as it impossible to know for certain how parents may react. Anyone who supports this policy must understand that they don't think everyone deserves the basic right not to be abused. 

I remember having a conversation with a student at my school about very similar policy in Texas a year or so ago. They were insistent upon the parents right to know, which is a common point brought by politicians in support of this guidance. I was only just out to a few of my friends, and was not very confident in my identity at that point. I talked to the student about the previous arguments about how a child's right to not be abused outweighs the parents ‘right’ to know, but they remained adamant. I got rather emotional while arguing so I removed myself from the situation for my own mental health.

However since then, as my confidence in my own identity has grown, I have realised that trans people do not owe anyone an justification for their ‘transness’ nor do we owe anyone any details of it. Trans and nonbinary people’s gender identity is a beautiful part of them and we decide who knows, how and when. There is no part of this guidance that holds the safeguarding of trans children as valuable, despite the governments attempt to sell it as such. Trans children are still children and need love, support and affirmation. This policy ignore this fundamental truth.